I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
