she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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