ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
