Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
