One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
splinters make it hard to masturbate
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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