the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Still dying that you shit outside
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
