Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
