In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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