Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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