my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
