i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she peed on how many people?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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