we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
