when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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