remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
