do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize