haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
