Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
