Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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