I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
