This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
