is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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