Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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