Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
