I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
