before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just cropdusted the office
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times