The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?