if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She needs sedatives and a leash
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.