Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
