How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial