Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
