We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
