I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We need a shit load of segways right now
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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