she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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