a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
