I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's blow job season.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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