not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
