so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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