there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
