So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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