Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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