your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
