i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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