oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
