I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
