my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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