I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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