What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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