The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
