soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
