I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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