Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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