Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize