areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
