I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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