Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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