I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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