I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
