How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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