Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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