Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
