My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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