I want to have your abortion
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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