dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
