we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
