I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You don't make any sense
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