cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pants are for mortals
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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