Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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