Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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