grandma shit on top of the toilet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
