I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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