You really coming over, don't trick.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
