Will you blow on my dice?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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