I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
