remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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