..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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