In the future we'll all be gay
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
